Saturday, October 15, 2022

Character Analysis: Problem Sleuth

Background

  • Name: Problem Sleuth (commonly shortened to PS)
  • Character Rating: Suitor to the Sodajerk's Confidante
  • Pulchritude Gained: 42,005
  • Alliegance: The Four Kingdoms
  • Female Alter Ego: Hysterical Dame
  • Gambit Schema: Candy Corn Vampire
  • Likes: consoling dames, solving cases, candy corn, busts
  • Dislikes: The Mobster Kingpin, being stuck in his office when there are dames to rescue
Problem Sleuth is one of many private investigators taking office in the Boulangere District of Downtown Midnight City. He's had a long and successful career as a sleuth. He has a penchant for monologuing in old 30's noir style at times, and it's a bit difficult to figure out what he's talking about occasionally. But, all the same, he helps out hysterical dames and makes ends meet. Compensation is adequate, and life is good.

But, on a balmy summer afternoon, PS finds himself trapped within the confines of his own office. Through a series of needlessly convoluded weird puzzle shit, he charges headlong into the adjacent Imaginary Universe, forming alliances with his hallmates Ace Dick and Pickle Inspector as well as solving crises between the Elves, the Hogs, the Clowns, and the Weasels. Through great adversity and yet even more weird shit, he finds himself face to face with the Mobster Kingpin, the under-the-hood mob boss ruler of the city. Valiantly, he and his allies dwindle down MK's forces and transformations, eventually ending his reign of terror for good.

Oh yeah, and they also made it out of their offices.


Equipment


Handgun/Key



"The grip is cold against your palm. This is your only friend in the world right now. It's gonna be a long night."

Problem Sleuth's initial weapon/lock-opening apparatus. Sometimes, it's a key. Sometimes, it's a handgun. Whatever's most convenient. The handgun has a six-round chamber and can be fired just as a normal pistol would.

Problem Sleuth would eventually trade the Handgun/Key for the Tommy Gun/Ring of Keys, which initially belonged to Ace Dick. The Key/Handgun would then go to Pickle Inspector, as his more frail physique couldn't handle a gun any larger.

The Handgun/Key, as well as the Tommy Gun/Ring of Keys and the Minigun/Hairpin were all sacrificed in order to unlock the Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's mask, but all three weapons were eventually replaced upon the adventure's conclusion, as all three can be seen in the final panel.

Tommy Gun/Ring of Keys



"Armed with your TOMMY GUN, you are one hard boiled lug. Nobody mess with this tough guy, see?"

A medium weight firearm initially wielded by Ace Dick, but bequeathed upon Problem Sleuth upon finding a weapon more deserving of his strength. It holds roughly 100 rounds per barrel and functions as a normal Tommy gun.

The Tommy Gun/Ring of Keys, as well as the Handgun/Key and the Minigun/Hairpin were all sacrificed in order to unlock the Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's mask, but all three weapons were eventually replaced upon the adventure's conclusion, as all three can be seen in the final panel.

Candy Corn Handgun




The Candy Corn Handgun was bequeathed to Problem Sleuth by Pickle Inspector's imaginatory abilities. It is much more potent than his regular handgun, as it was able to do substantial damage to a Beast while his normal Handgun failed to scratch it.

He eventually lost the Candy Corn Handgun upon being eaten by a Beast.

Trusty Knives



Problem Sleuth never leaves home without his jacket full of Trusty Knives. Upon the heightened potential of his Clemency Owl's hysteria, he can release his Parliament Uproar!, aptly titled Trusty Knives.

Royal Chemistry Set & Munitions Bag



After authoring the treaty between the four kingdoms, Problem Sleuth was gifted with two artifacts of the Weasel Kingdom.

The Royal Chemistry Set contains 100 Elf Tears, 100 Weasel Snots, 100 Hog Slops, and 100 Pie Fillings. These are reagents that Problem Sleuth uses for his various battle techniques. More on those later.

The Munitions Bag contains 1000 rounds of Handgun ammo, 10000 rounds of Tommy Gun ammo, 100000 rounds of Minigun ammo, a battery pack, and an extention cord. Safe to say that PS isn't running out of ammo for his guns anytime soon.

Peppermint Mythril Coat



A candied breastplate crafted by Future Pickle Inspector and gifted to you to fight the first phase of Demonhead Mobster Kingpin. It negates all incoming damage, instead redirecting that damage towards the durability of the armor.

It was eventually destroyed during the battle.

Jawbreaker Skylight Bomb



In an effort to do a hefty amount of damage to the Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, Problem Sleuth came up with a plan. Using two portable portals resembling skylights, he creates a quantum impossibility in the palm of his hand in the form of an infinitely capsizing fractal. With some help from Future Pickle Inspector, it was sealed inside of a hard jawbreaker exterior. With enough force, the bomb implodes upon itself, creating a massive physics-defying explosion.

Death's Scythe



"You strike a diplomatic bargain with Death and receive a boon."

After using Combat Operandi -> Armistyx, Problem Sleuth was able to summon Death to his current location and strike a diplomatic bargain with the reaper. This allowed him temporary usage of Death's Scythe, a powerful artifact that is both a strong weapon as well as a whole host of items due to object duality. These objects include the following...
  • A teaspoon
  • A ball point pen
  • A jousting lance
  • A bullhorn
  • A calculator
  • An anti-tank rocket launcher
  • A trombone
  • A fort
  • A rocket launcher
  • The Bowen Stilson Dogg
  • A dollhouse
  • The Labrynthine Sudocube Comprehsensile
  • A romance novel
  • A baby grand piano
  • T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics
  • A Fancy Santa
  • An ugly dog
  • An F-16
  • The head of Manny Calavera
  • An atomic bomb
In its own right, Death's Scythe is an incredibly potent weapon. Combined with Gambit Schema -> Candy Corn Vampire, Problem Sleuth was able to completely counteract Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's regenerative properties during his second phase as well as eventually destroying an entire health bar.

After transforming into an atomic bomb, the scythe was destroyed. Death eventually got a new one, though.

Tectrixcalibur/Tectrix of the Arbitor



The most powerful weapon in the Weasel Kingdom, ironically both a pen and a sword. While in the form of the Tectrix of the Arbitor, it is little more than a simple feather. While others have attempted to use it for combat purposes, their efforts ultimately failed due to a lack of experience in Tickletech.

However, while taking the form of Tectrixcalibur, the weapon is fit for a Chosen Arbitor. Using the power of Righteous Aggression, he easily severed through several of Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's health bars and was able to effortless cleave through the Briers of Cruelty.

Ink of Squid Pro Quo



The Ink of Squid Pro Quo fills the Flask slot of Problem Sleuth's inventory and serves as the scabbard for Tectrixcalibur. Its ink reserve serves as the timer for Sepulchritude as well as the method for refilling the Smith Corona Blotspitter. When emptied, it releases a powerful explosion of raw charisma.

Smith Corona Blotspitter/Typewriter



"Dispatcher of the despotic; Convincer of the uncompelled; It is one of several fabled holy weapons reserved for the CHOSEN ARBITOR, sealed and protected by the realm's hallowed figures of nobility."

The Smith Corona Blotspitter is the most powerful firearm in Problem Sleuth's arsenal. Gifted to him by the Demimonde Semigoddess, it is an ancient holy weapon that uses ink ribbon cartridges as ammunition.

In its normal form, it is a typewriter. Problem Sleuth used the typewriter to draft an unpleasant note towards the Demonhead Mobster Kingpin. This note served as further ammunition for the Smith Corona Blotspitter, initiating LV. 99 Sleuth Diplomacy: Pax Probliscum, an attack that effortlessly destroyed one of DMK's health bars.


Combat Operandi


Sleuth Diplomacy



"Allows you to acquaint recipient with your brand of diplomacy."

Sleuth Diplomacy is Problem Sleuth's most commonly used special attack. It levels up repeatedly throughout the adventure, having different effects depending on the level. Each Sleuth Diplomacy costs 1 Elf Tear to use. However, as higher levels are used, they tend to levy the material cost.
  • LV. 1: Problem Sleuth fires his tommy gun.
  • LV. 2 : Problem Sleuth fires his tommy gun... while smoking a cigarette.
  • LV. 5 - Impromptu Caucus: As Problem Sleuth fires his tommy gun, two Ace Dicks appear and fire their miniguns in support.
  • LV. 10 - Ceasefire: Problem Sleuth drops his tommy gun and beats the target up with his bare hands instead.
  • LV. 98 - Poison Pen Letter: Problem Sleuth writes a nasty and unpleasant letter directed towards the target. The sick burn of the letter bypasses invulnerability, opening up the target for devastating attacks. Requires Sepultritude.
  • LV. 99 - Pax Probliscum: Used in conjunction with Poison Pen Letter. Problem Sleuth loads the unpleasant letter into the Smith Corona Blotspitter and fires a devastating shot. Requires Sepultritude,

Fair Shake



"You give equal consideration to both sides of the argument."

Fair Shake is a combination attack. Pulling out a skylight, Problem Sleuth opens fire on the target while Ace Dick fires his minigun through the skylight.

Brass Tacks



"They're all blind as a bat, and full of piss and vinegar."

At the cost of 3000 spondulicks, Problem Sleuth summons forth the three greatest jazz musicians of all time: Blind Willie "Buttermilk" Stubbs, Father "Blind Pappy" Ramblin' Jackson, and Earl Stokes "Can't-see-a-damn" Molasses Fatts. Using their avant-garde jazz powers, they rain down jazz instruments on the enemy in a brutal cacaophony of woodwind and brass.

Summon Henry Clay



"The Great Compromiser wheels and deals on your behalf, for a fee."

For a slightly more wallet-denting sum of 3500 spondulicks, as well as 1 Weasel Snot and 3 Pie Filling, Problem Sleuth summons forth the former Kentucky senator Henry Clay to fight on his behalf. His signature move, Pacify, is sure to deal with any threat in a peaceful and non-threatening manner.

Parliament Uproar! Trusty Knives



"If you didn't have your TRUSTY KNIVES, you think you'd slit your wrists."

As soon as the Clemency Owl starts hooting up a storm, it's time to release a Parliament Uproar! Problem Sleuth's is Trusty Knives, in which he bombards the target with a brutal affront of knives.

Yeah, that's about it.

Call for Aid



"The kingdoms assemble four of their mightiest heroes to come to your aid, the WEASEL WARRIOR, the ELF MAGE, the HOG CLERIC, and the CLOWN BARD."

Through his alliance formed with all four kingdoms, Problem Sleuth telepathically calls for the mighiest heroes to aid him in battle. These heroes consist of the following:
  • The Weasel Warrior is the hero sent by the Weasel Kingdom. He is a master at flipping the fuck out, which is the pinnacle of weasel martial arts.
  • The Elf Mage is the hero sent by the Elf Kingdom. He is capable of conjuring large eggs to crush his enemies, as well as being good at sneakin' around.
  • The Hog Cleric is the hero sent by the Hog Kingdom. Using his Crook of Fealty, he is able to cast Porcine Intervention, a spell which brings a deceased individual back to life.
  • The Clown Bard is the hero sent by the Clown Kingdom. He's good at lute solos.
The Four Heroes have no cost to summon and last indefinitely.

Summon Weasel King



"The gloves are off. It's finally time to call on His Majesty's services."

After expending 4 Elf Tears and 4 Weasel Snot, Problem Sleuth beckons forth the Weasel King, who promptly flips the fuck out. This does heavy damage to the opponent before the Weasel King returns to his realm.

Summon Moe



"You call forth the blistering white hot fury that is MOE."

"..."

"You unsummon MOE. MOE will be of absolutely no use to you in this battle whatsoever."

Gambit Schema: Candy Corn Vampire



"Terrifying GAMBIT AETHERS flow from the supernatural gourd and permeate your ARTIFICE AMBIENT. You undergo an incredible transformation."

Upon carving his Gambit Schema into the Schema Pumpkin, Problem Sleuth gained access to a haunting transformation: the Candy Corn Vampire. This transformation boosts his physical stats greatly, making him much more physically capable of taking on powerful enemies such as Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's second form. Most notably, it increases his speed tremendously, allowing him to dodge incoming attacks as quick as a blur.

The transformation only lasts as long as the Schema Pumpkin rots: if the pumpkin fully rots, the transformation expires. Additionally, enough damage would extinguish the pumpkin's flicker, also ending the transformation.

Armistyx



"You summon Death from his macabre realm, or wherever the hell he was when you called him away."

At the cost of 3 Hog Slop, 2 Pie Filling, and 1 Elf Tear, Problem Sleuth summons Death in order to make a deal in exchange for power. In the one instance in which Problem Sleuth has used this ability, Death gifted its Scythe to Problem Sleuth in order to combat the Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, though it can be assumed that Death can help in other ways.

Final Rave: Sepulchritude


"PEACE BE WITH YOU."

As a final ace in the hole, and at a whopping cost of 36 Elf Tears, 12 Weasel Snot, 18 Hog Slop, and 29 Pie Filling, Problem Sleuth engulfs himself in the righteous fire of charisma. This transformation gives Problem Sleuth a vast increase in strength, speed, and stamina, as well as granting him flight and a constant aura of personal charm that constantly does damage to those around him.

While in Sepulchritude, Problem Sleuth gains access to a few unique abilities, including the final two levels of Sleuth Diplomacy as well as a couple of brand new ones. Upon Sepulchritude's end, the universe is enveloped in the burning vigor of Problem Sleuth's charisma in a final devastating attack. Problem Sleuth is then knocked out.

Righteous Aggression



"Righteous fires of charisma wipe out the brier. The resplendent light of divine PULCHRITUDE consumes your spirit."

A devastating attack with Tectrixcalibur, Problem Sleuth proceeds to write, ratify, and demolish various treaties and laws, causing immense damage to the target. One usage of Righteous Aggresion was enough to destroy one of Final Form Demonhead Mobster Kingpin's health bars

Final Flip Out





"The souls of the ARBITOR and the KING merge as one. The prophecy was true. Destiny flips the fuck out."

Upon fusing spirits with the Weasel King, Problem Sleuth promptly flips the fuck out. Each swing is able to destroy several health bars at once, eventually culminating in the destruction of an infinite number of health bars.

FAQ


Since there'll probably be a lot of questions due to the nature of MSPA and Problem Sleuth's narrative complexity, I'll try to explain the most frequently asked questions to the best of my ability.

Didn't Hussie say that nothing is faster than light?


Yep. Still doesn't fix some of the glaring plot holes that statement makes if we were to apply it to his verses. It's best to just avoid it in most regards; he even says the whole "don't worry about it, it's just a cartoon" spiel at the end, so it's not to be taken with much sincerity.

How big is the Problem Sleuth universe?


The universe in which the fight with Demonhead Mobster Kingpin takes place is repeatedly stated to be 18 billion lightyears across. Surprisingly enough, this is substantially smaller than our own universe, which measures 93 billion lightyears across. However, this isn't where the universe ends.

There's still the matter of String Theory, which is accepted as fact within the Problem Sleuth universe via the extra-dimensional cosmic superstring strata. As such, the verse exists on a twelve-dimensional scale rather than a three-dimensional one.

There's also the afterlife, which exists as a fractal inside a flower owned by Godhead Pickle Inspector. Fractals have a theoretically infinite perimeter, which would imply that the afterlife is infinitely layered as well.

Then there's the Game of Life, which is treated as an equal dimension to the afterlife. It also houses Bard Quest. That's another universe.

Then there's Black Hole Mobster Kingpin, who was able to obtain a mass larger than the universe to the power of 100. That's a googol, for you math nerds. A mass such as that alone would be enough to qualify for Multi. (Not Multi+, since the quantity of universes is finite, albeit large.)

Needless to say, there's a lot of shit going on that would boost the size of Problem Sleuth's cosmology. to varying degrees of infinity.

The only character that would likely scale to the full cosmology is Godhead Pickle Inspector, who single-handedly created the universe across all of time. This would likely carry over to the Homestuck cosmology as well, for reasons established later.

How does time travel work in Problem Sleuth?


Problem Sleuth operates off of the theory of temporal mutability, which establishes that the past cannot be directly changed, but rather every change that time travel makes has already been set into motion. It follows the concept of destiny and fate with how it handles manipulation to the timeline.

Time operates on a single timeline. Every time a version of Pickle Inspector splits itself across time, its effects are witnessed within real time. We see the effects of PPI's efforts in real time as they happen, as witnessed when Ace Dick reloads a save in order to see a puzzle already solved. Later, it was revealed that a time-travelling Pickle Inspector was the one responsible, pushing the idea that all time travel events are fated to happen. 

This is even supported by Hussie himself, as he describes Temporal Repliscimum Ad Infinitum as "stock(ing) every moment in time with every particle in the universe." Multiverse theory does not exist within the Problem Sleuth universe.

...except for when it does.

Do Problem Sleuth and Homestuck exist within the same canon?


Homestuck loves to play with the concept of multiverses. The Genesis Frog is showing of that, as it contains infinite self-contained timelines. 

You'd think this goes against the precedent set within Problem Sleuth, right? Since Pickle Inspector's time travel functions entirely differently from, let's say, Dave's abilities. Well, that would make sense, if Problem Sleuth didn't directly appear in the Homestuck Epilogues. Not to mention the several instances where they've crossed over with The Midnight Crew. This isn't helped by the fact that canon is a tangible concept within the Homestuck universe and is undermined as often as it is adhered to.

While this doesn't imply direct scaling in many aspects, it would certainly establish the fact that the two worlds share a greater cosmology than what the original comic presents. We can assume that the Problem Sleuth universe is at least tangentally connected to the main Homestuck universe via the Genesis Frog, if not the same universe altogether.

This has a lot of implications.

Firstly, this means that all crossovers that happened with characters and concepts that extend beyond the Problem Sleuth universe are dubiously canon. Meaning that the Problem Sleuths in their base forms should physically scale to the Midnight Crew. 


I'm going to stray away from these two instances due to them being ultimately unfaithful to the character's original interpretation. The extras are dubiously canon, regardless. I'm mainly using Homestuck as a base for the larger cosmology of Problem Sleuth as a whole. Granted, Sleuth himself likely doesn't scale, but it's good to cover regardless.

Given that, I'm going to assume that the Problem Sleuth universe is one of infinite similar yet different timelines residing within the Genesis Frog, meaning that the Godhand Pickle Inspector is not just the creator of the Problem Sleuth universe but rather the one responsible for the conceptualization of an infinite amount of universes within the Genesis Frog, at least. This puts GPI comfortably at Hyperversal due to creating a construct of infinite timelines, possibilities, and outcomes within a 12-dimensional context.

And, with that, I think that's all the mind-bending Homestuck shit. Back to the actual topic at hand.

Feats


Overall


  • Successfully defeated Mobster Kingpin and obtained the Megaton Key
  • Brought peace to the four nations of Elves, Hogs, Weasels, and Clowns
  • Observed the entire history and future of the universe before his very eyes
  • Filled all eight levels of the Impetus Comb to achieve the Final Rave
  • Navigated the Chicago Overcoat
  • Ascended all five levels of Mobster Kingpin's Tower
  • Defeated Flthulu
  • Left his office

AP/Durability

Base

Candy Corn Vampire

Sepulchritude


Speed

Base

Sepulchritude


Summary


"A hard boiled lug like you has seen enough weepy lamps and spoiled makeup jobs to know what the matter is. What the matter is there's a problem. And you'll be damned if you aren't gonna be the fellas to sleuth it."

  • Varying stats, depending on his current form
    • Base:
      • AP: Wall physically, higher with weapons and summons
      • Speed: Supersonic
      • Durability: Multiversal
    • Candy Corn Vampire:
      • AP: Universal through Death's Scythe
      • Speed: FTL
      • Durability: Multiversal
    • Sepulchritude:
      • AP: Hyperversal
      • Speed: Infinite/Immeasurable
      • Durability: Hyperversal
  • Several firearms and weapons
  • Enough ammo to last through most fights
    • This includes physical ammo, such as bullets, as well as magical reagents for using abilities, such as Elf Tears and Weasel Snot
  • A plethora of summons to keep opponents busy, including Brass Tacks, Henry Clay, the Four Heroes, the Weasel King, Death, and Moe
    • Revival through the Hog Cleric
  • Extreme amounts of versatility through Death's Scythe's various transformations
  • Ungodly high charisma to a reality-breaking extent
  • Potent AOE through Sepulchritude
  • Durability Negation through Poison Pen Letter

Possible Opponents


Henry Stickmin



Probably my preferred for Problem Sleuth. The Cops vs Robbers aesthetic of it as well as their massive arsenals bouncing off of one another would make for an interesting animation. It's probably pretty debatable too, though I doubt Henry has anything to match the raw power of Sepulchritude.

Joker



This makes so much sense it's almost disturbing.

Gun-toting members of rag-tag squadrons, one of law enforcement and the other of criminals, that dive into the mind in order to defeat a morally corrupt individual that assumes a monstrous form, all with their own set of special summons and undeniable charisma? It's kind of perfect.

PS throwing out all of his summons against Joker's Personas with a Sepulchritude vs Satanael finale sounds absolutely raw, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Alex Eggleston



Memes aside, this is kind of bad. I think it has some merit, but not nearly enough to make me think it's better than any of either's other options.

Closing Words


Thank you for sticking with me through this one. As my first foray into character blogs rather than matchup blogs, I decided to go with a character that would turn my brain into more of a knot than anybody else I've covered before. I swear, if I ever cover a character more confusing than this I think I'll go crazy.

In the meantime, have a little taste of what's in store for the next installment. I've been rather vocal about creating this one, so it may not come as a shock to most, but I figured I'd celebrate the occasion.

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